Echoes of The Rainbow.

Watching a Chinese Film. And it had just made me realize what is like now, and what life was like then.

How much complicated it is now, when it can be so simple, so pure.

Everyone is looking at things in a much more complicated way, and to be honest, is it really necessary? Sure, money can help us solve some of the problems that we encounter, but would you have money without love?

Think for a second, what's the most important thing for you right now? Your boyfriend? Your money? Or some kind of possession? Or maybe, your hopes and dreams?

But have you ever thought about who? Who is it that stands behind you when all your dreams and hopes fail? Who is it that supports you and holds you when your boyfriend is no where to be found? And who is it, when you're broke, and you have no money, or you've lost something that you love so dearly that helps you to look for what you lost, or fund you when you need it?

Your family? That's what it is for me.

I'm thankful for them, without them, I'm worth nothing. They grew up with me. They shaped who I am today. They provided me with the education that I need to become a civilized human being and more. They supported me when I fell, they helped me up when I thought that was the last straw. And because of them, I am living today.

I don't know what I can do to thank my family, to repay them for what they did. Because they don't need repayment. I don't say that out of anger or rage. I say that because what they give me is unconditional love. No matter what you have done, they always forgive you in the end. No matter how horrible you have been to them, they'll always stand by you when you need help. Their love has no terms, conditions, or loophole.

I can't think of anything that I can do to show them that I love them too, except to love them back and hope that time can show them how I feel. And I know in my heart that that's enough. Because love, is all that anyone will ever need.

Love, is the purest, kindest and rarest emotion of human kind, and it's the type that can last forever.

EPIPHANY.

I saw just watching a Chinese TV Drama, the last episode.

And I think, I had an epiphany. About happiness and what life means as a whole.

And most of all, about what I'm doing in my life.

Some people promise forever, and you want it so much that you believe, eat it up like you're starving. And you start to see it too.

The things that I'm doing, let's just say, I'm not actually sure what I'm doing.

I'm not sure about anything.

You see, the fact is, is that my perfect life consists of getting married, having children, and become the best mother that I can be. But right now, I'm with a man that I think I love, whom I'm not supposed to love, whom will never love me back. Needless to say, also hurt me countless times, who makes me lose control of everything inside, who made me want to kill myself so I could stop thinking.

But the truth is, we're not boyfriend and girlfriends. All he wants is his dominance over someone, and if that's what he wants from me, I'll do it. And I'll do it happily, because it's what he wants.

Honestly? From spending so much time with him, I can picture him with kids, I can picture us a home. I know that sounds really silly, but it's true. I can picture living with him.

The fact is, even though we want the same things now, and I know that you should live in the now. But eventually, things will get bent out of shape, and I won't want it forever, when I get to one point in life, I will want to start my real life, get married, have kids, and be a mum. I know that I can't have any of that with him, he's so sure that he doesn't want to get married, hell, let alone have kids.

I want him. I want him so much, that's why it pains me to not be able to picture a permanent future with him.

I remember, there was this once, when I was really really upset, and we've just half broken up. I almost killed myself. He had said nothing, the way I saw it, I thought it wouldn't matter to him either way, living or dead. And if I did kill myself, all it means is that I was a stupid stupid girl, and I was shaming him into guilt, let him live with this burden on his shoulder.

I don't know what to think of that, to be honest. I'm not sure what you call that.

But one thing I wouldn't call it? True love.

I thought he would care more if I did it. Guess not.

We're not really anything. Not boyfriend or girlfriend. No friends. Not family.

In other words, I'm confused.

SHIT. WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING?!

Have you ever gone into something that you have no idea how it might end up? Or knowing that you're gonna fail, and you still fall head first into it?

That's what I'm doing, I have no idea why I'm doing it. And I don't care. There's this voice nagging at me at the back of my head, and my heart. There's butterflies fluttering at the pit of my stomach. I feel like I'm about to throw up. (I sound like I'm coming down with the flu, but I'm not.) I just have to do it. (I sound like I'm convincing myself, more than telling you guys.)

I think I'll regret what I'm doing, and I feel like such a masochist for not letting it go because I know it'll hurt me. Talk about self-inflicted pain.

I thought I was over it but I'm no where near. Listen to "Naked" by Avril Lavigne, you might understand what I'm trying to say (I wouldn't bet on it though, not even the speaker knows what she's talking about.)

Stay tuned to see what happens tomorrow! Love ya.

SOMETHING VERY DEAR TO MY HEART.

I just wanted to shout out to Benjy, over on GG, VD, and Glee. I love you. Thank you for the opportunities for exposure, and loving my articles. I promise I'll try my best at giving you 2 articles a week for EVERY SINGLE DRAMA! That's six articles, at least. Of course, it'll be depending on my workload at school.

So, I'm going to take this chance, and thank everyone.

JANICE - Thanks for being there when I was sad, and making me happy again. I love you. You always told me the truth, and frankly, I've never listened. Until now.

IVAN - Thanks for making my mind up for me, I couldn't have done it myself. I would still be suffering right now. But you know what? I think you're like the brother I've never had. I love you!

CY - Thanks for being my very good friend and comfort me whenever you could. I love you. For just being who you are, and for knowing what I mean when I convey my feelings. And for not taking side with the said person above! :)

Kelly - Thank you so much for being you. Not acting weird around me and just being your usual weird self. I love you for it.

SO yeah. These people are my world, and I would seriously die without them. (three cheers for them? okay. fine!)

Let's wrap it up. Happy end of holidays, guys!

REPOSTING - THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF LIFE. (Yes, of course, Vampires.... And Paul Wesley....Okay~! and RPattz)

Ha. Here I am, acting like a teenager.

And yes, I'm going CRAZY over vampires again.

But different ones this time. The Vampire Diaries ones.

But you have to admit, Paul Wesley is hot.

And allow me to borrow Regina's line, "His hair looks sexy pushed back."

And it does. MY GOD. Not only is Paul extremely good looking, he's FIT. And I mean Kellan Lutz fit. OHMYEFFINGGOD! Well, he's not as muscle-ly as Kellan, but he's body is defined and shaped.

AND HIS SQUARE JAW. Jaw porn FTW. You can see his jaw tighten when he bites on it, it's fucking amazing. (And I do realize that I am swearing an awful lot in here. PARENTS: Watch your kids.)

But serious. Vampire Diaries has got me hooked. At first, it was much like Twilight on crack and on TV, but this one is so much better!

Here's why:

1) hotter (aka, more collisions in the bedroom)

2) Vamps are not as strained and self-tortured as the Cullen Family

3) the lead role (PAUL WESLEY) is soooo much hotter -can't believe I'm saying it, but I am -

4) the girl is not so much of a pushover as Bella was and still is.

5) There is an actual storyline. Honestly.

6) More action, more bloodlust and actual deaths.

7) Rollercoaster.

There are more reasons but I just can't be bothered right now, maybe later.

Looking back, I can't believe that I thought Vampire Diaries was shit, and now I can't wait for the next episode. WOW.

But thinking about Vampires in general, I myself have googled "Vampires" many times due to my obvious obsession. And to be honest, I am getting clouded with the idea. I mean, do they exist or not? I'd like to think they do, but I keep thinking, what if they are not as nice as the ones on TV, in books and everywhere else? What if, they actually feed on human blood, and drained everyone you loved? Would you still give them your life, much like Elena and Bella?

In many ways, they way that the books write about vampires, are much like LOVE.

Sometimes forbidden love.

The thing about vampires is that it lures you in, they are associated with sex and power, and sort of that suave about it. Much like love.

And sometimes, vampire love is forbidden, it makes you scared of what you are, or what you're feeling. Much like love.

I don't know, I might just be reading too much into this vampirism thing, but really I think that's what it is.

Anyhoooo. So here's goodbye RPattz, and hello Paul, with open arms. *checks to see if he's on Twitter*

Night everyone! Have a fantastic Easter, I'll probably see you before then!

HERE'S TO NEW BEGINNINGS :)

Like I said, here's to new beginnings.

For now, I want simplicity, and happiness. I think I deserve that much.

Right now, I'm in a transition. And no, I will not sleep with you.

You should all know who I am.

The name's Charlene, 15, and I've had sex with over 300 men. Wait no, that's not right. The answer is zero, and counting. Just kidding with you. I mean, the first time. :)

I have just had a very complicated relationship with someone who is old enough to be my brother, I was happy for a while, and now it's over. I'm glad. :)

And no. I didn't suck his dick.

Like I said. JESUS! WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?! I didn't make that mistake, and I never will.

Let's just say, if you have the nerve to read this blog, you have to nerve to jump off a plane without a parachute.

That's all for now. A little mystery is always good for the heart.